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Episode 499.f Bubble Guppies: Oona the Musical! (Part 6)
Plot An extraordinary little girl named Oona decides that despite a bad beginning filled with rotten parents, a terrifying school and a vicious head mistress, her story is going to be an astonishing one. With the help of her teacher, her friends and a little bit of imagination, Oona proves that even if she's little, she can do big things. Cast *Oona as (Matilda) *Mr. Shaskan as (Mr. Wormwood) *Mrs. Shaskan as (Mrs. Wormwood) *The Witch as (Miss Trunchbull) *Mrs. Grouper as (Miss Honey) *Deema as (Lavender) *The Color Monster as (Henchman) *Sandy as (Acrobat) *Ms. Duey as (Miss Phelps) *Nonny as (Nigel) *Molly as (Alice) *One of Sandy's Sisters as (Henchwoman) *Goofin as (Micheal) *Gil as (Bruce Bogtrotter) *Tobias as (Tommy) *Goby as (Eric) *Jimberly as (Amanda Thripp) *Ashlie as (Hortensia) *Cook Crab as (Cook) *Archaeologist as (Escapologist) *Mr. Grumpfish as (Rudolpho) *Mr. Grouper as (Children's Entertainer) *Ringmaster as (Sergei) *Dr. Clark as (Doctor) Information *Genres: Comedy, Fantasy, Musical *Rating: PG for some violence, a bit of curse words, and some scary scenes. *Type of film: Fantasy, Comedy, Musical Trivia *This is based on the 2011 West End musical "Matilda the Musical!" You can read about it on Wikipedia. *There are both regular and fanon characters in this story. Story Start of Part 6. (Scene: Attic) (Mr. Shaskan walks over and faces to the audience.) Mr. Shaskan: (to audience) Ladies and gentlemen! Hey. Before we, er, continue with proceedings, I would like to offer an apology for some of the things that have been going on here tonight. They are not nice things, and they are not right things. And I would like to state, guarantorically, that we would not like any children who might be here tonight watching this to go home and try these things out for themselves. I am, of course, talking about reading books. Now, it is not normal for kids to behave in this fashion. It stunts the brain, it wears out the eyes; it makes kids ugly, stinky, fatty, sweaty Betty, boring, gaseous . . . and crucially, it gives them head lice of the soul. Under no circumstances do we condone such activities, and we do so utterly without reservoirs. Now, can I just ask, how many grown-up people here has actually ever read a book? Come on, put em up. Don't take this the wrong way, but . . . Bookworm! Bookworm! Reading all the books like a stinky little worm. You read books, like a worm. Worms read books. You read books. Worms are stupid. You're a s–wurm. There, now you will learn from that. It won't stop you reading, but . . . you'll never put your hand up again! Ladies and gentlemen! May I present to you today the pinnacle of our achievements as a species. The very reason that we bothered evolving out of unicorns in the first place. (A television is brought out by Goofin, who has a ukulele strung around his back.) Mr. Shaskan: (singing) Somewhere, on a show, I heard that a picture tells a thousand words. So, telly, if you bothered to take a look, is the equivalent of, like . . . lots of books! (Every time the word "telly" is mentioned in the following verses, Goofin yells the word along with his father.) Mr. Shaskan: (singing) All I know, I learnt from telly. This big beautiful box of facts. If you know a thing already. Baby, you can switch the channel over just like that. Endless joy and endless laughter. Folks living happily ever after. All you need to make you wise is twenty-three minutes plus advertisements. Why would we waste our energy turning the pages, one, two, three? When we can sit comfortably, on our lovely bumferlies, watching people singing, and talking, and doing stuff? All I know, I learnt from telly. The bigger the telly, the smarter the man. You can tell from my big telly just how clever of a fellow I am! Take it away, son. (Goofin steps forward, and after some consideration, plucks a note on his ukulele. After a pause, he looks down and plucks another doleful note.) Mr. Shaskan: You can't learn that from a stupid book! (singing) All I know, I learnt from telly. What to think and what to buy. I was pretty smart already, but now I'm really, really smart, very very smart. Endless content, endless channels, endless chat on endless panels. All you need to fill your muffin, without having to really fink or nuffin. Why would we waste our energy trying to work out "ooh"-lysses? When we can sit happily on our lovely bapperlies watching slightly famous people talking to really famous people? All I know I learnt from telly. The bigger the telly, the smarter the man. You can tell from my big telly just how clever of a fellow I am. (Goofin runs out and grabs a giant trash can. Mr. Shaskan walks over to a small book cart and starts throwing books over his shoulder, and Goofin catches them in the trash can.) Mr. Shaskan: Who the Dickens is Charles Dickens? Mary Shelley? Cor, she sounds smelly. Charlotte Bronte? Do not want-y! Jane Austin? In the compostin'. James Joyce? He doesn't sound noice. Ewen McEwan? Ugh, I feel like spewin'. William Shakespeare? Schwilliam Schmakespeare. Moby Dick? (He titters.) Mr. Shaskan: Easy, grandma! (singing) All together, now! All I know, I learnt from telly! The bigger the telly, the smarter the man. You can tell from my big telly what a very clever fellow I am. Thank you very much. (Scene: Classroom) (Deema walks in holding a jug.) Deema: (to audience) Hello. I'm Deema, by the way. Oona's best friend! There's a bit coming up that's all about – me! Well, not exactly about me. But I play a big part in it. But I'm not going to say what happens, because I don't want to spoil it for you. (She starts walking out, then stops.) Deema: (to audience) All right. Look. What I do is I volunteer to give the Witch a jug of water. And on the way back . . . No! I don't want to tell you anymore because I don't want to ruin it! (She walks out of the classroom. After a moment, she runs back in.) Deema: (to audience) Well . . . On the way back, I find a newt. A newt is like a really ugly lizard that lives in water. And so I pick it up and . . . No! I'm not saying any more! (She raises her fists and growls, then huffs off. Before she can make it out of the classroom, she turns around.) Deema: (to audience) I'm going to put the newt in the Witch's jug! It's going to be brilliant! (Deema runs out.) (Scene: Playground) (Gil and Tobias are sitting on two swings. There are other two swings too which makes it four swings. Gil is wearing a sign that says "I have been to CHOKEY." As the following song progresses, various children and then big kids come down a slide at the back of the playground and take turns on the swings.) Gil: (singing) When I grow up, I will be tall enough to reach the branches that I need to reach to climb the trees you get to climb when you're grown up. Gil and Tobias: (singing) And when I grow up, I will be smart enough to answer all the questions that you need to know the answers to before you're grown up. Jimberly and Goby: (singing) And when I grow up, I will eat sweets every day, on the way to work, and I will go to bed late every night. And I will wake up when the sun comes up, and I will watch cartoons until my eyes go square – Children: (singing) – And I won't care 'cause I'll be all grown up. When I grow up . . . When I grow up, (When I grow up, when I grow up) I will be strong enough to carry all the heavy things you have to haul around with you when you're a grown up and when I grow up, (When I grow up, when I grow up) I will be brave enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight beneath the bed each night to be a grown up. Big Kids: (singing) And when I grow up, I will have treats every day, and I'll play with things that mum pretends that mums don't think are fun. And I will wake up when the sun comes up, and I will spend all day just lying in the sun, and I won't burn 'cause I'll be all grown up . . . When I grow up . . . (The children and big kids recline in various parts of the playground. Mrs. Grouper sits down on a swing. Oona enters shortly.) Mrs. Grouper: (singing) When I grow up, I will be brave enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight beneath the bed each night to be a grown up. When I grow up . . . (The children and big kids start to dissipate.) Oona: (singing) Just because you find that life's not fair, it doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. If you always take it on the chin and wear it, nothing will change. Mrs. Grouper: (singing) When I grow up . . . (Mrs. Grouper walks away.) Oona: (singing) Just because I find myself in this story, it doesn't mean that everything is written for me. If I think the ending is fixed already, I might as well be saying I think that it's okay, and that's not right! (Scene: Library) Ms. Duey: Oona, how lovely to see you. Are you enjoying school? Oona: Oh, yes. Bits of it, anyway. . . . Ms. Duey! Where's the REVENGE section? Ms. Duey: What?! Well, we don't have a "revenge" section. Why? Is there a child at school who is behaving like a bully? Oona: Oh, no. Not a child, exactly. Ms. Duey: Oona, are you sure something – Oona: You want to hear the next part of my story? Ms. Duey: Story? Did you say "story"? Did you say . . . Oona! What are we waiting for? (Behind Oona and Ms. Duey, the library stacks split apart. Tobias and Ashlie lead Sandy and the Archaeologist, carrying flames. Sandy's hair has dynamite in it. As Oona narrates, the Archaeologist and Sandy act out the scene.) Oona: Slowly, very slowly, Sandy wrapped her shiny white scarf around her husband's neck. Oona and Sandy: "For luck, my love – " Oona: – she said, kissing him with the gentlest of kisses. Oona and Sandy: "Smile. We have done this a thousand times." Oona: But suddenly, she hugged him with the biggest hug in the world, so hard that he thought she would hug all the air out of him. And so, they prepared themselves for the most dangerous feat that had ever been performed. (The Archaeologist and Sandy take each others hands and walk back out of the library.) Oona: The great archaeologist had to escape from the cage, lean out, catch his wife with one hand, grab a fire extinguisher with the other, and put out the flames on her specially-designed dress within twelve seconds before they reached the dynamite and blew his wife's head off! (Ms. Duey screams in terror. Oona stares at her questioningly.) Ms. Duey: Sorry, go on. (Oona beckons Ms. Duey to sit on the floor with her. A white sheet covers the back of the library and silhouettes act out Oona's story upon it.) Oona: The trick started well. The moment the specially-designed dress was set alight, Sandy swung into the air. The crowd held their breath as she hurled over the sharks and spiky objects. One second. Two seconds. They watched as the flames crept up the dress. Three seconds. Four seconds. She began to reach out her arms towards the cage. Five seconds. Six seconds! Suddenly, the padlocks pinged open, and the huge chains fell away. Seven seconds. Eight seconds. The door flung open, and the archaeologist reached out one huge, muscled arm to catch his wife and their child. Nine seconds! Ten seconds! Ms. Duey: Oh, I can't look! Oona: Eleven seconds! And he grabs her hand, and . . . and . . . and suddenly, the flames are covered in foam before they can both be blown to pieces. Ms. Duey: Hooray! So the story does have a happy ending after all. Oona: No. Ms. Duey: No? Oona: No. Maybe it was the thought of the child. Maybe it was nerves. But the archaeologist used just a touch too much foam. And suddenly, their hands became slippy, and she fell. Ms. Duey: No. Was . . . Was she okay? Did . . . Did she survive? (The sheet parts and the archaeologist walks slowly forward, carrying Sandy in his arms.) Oona: She broke every bone in her body. Except for the ones at the ends of her little fingers. She did manage to live long enough to have their child, but the effort was too great. "Love our little girl," she said. "Love our daughter with all your heart. She was all we ever wanted." (The archaeologist carries Sandy off.) Sandy's Voice: Love our girl with everything. She is everything. Oona: And then, she died. (Ms. Duey walks over to a cart of books, blowing her nose into a handkerchief.) Oona: And then, things got worse. (Ms. Duey collapses against the cart.) Ms. Duey: What? "Worse"? Oh, no, Oona. Not worse. They can't get worse. Oona: I'm afraid they did. Because the archaeologist was so kind that he never for one second blamed the evil sister for what happened. In fact, he asked her to move in and help look after his daughter. She was nothing but rude to the little girl, making her wash, iron, cook, and clean, and beating her if she did a thing wrong. But always in secret, so that the archaeologist never suspected a thing. And so the poor little girl grew up with the meanest, cruelest, horrible-est aunt you can possible imagine! Ms. Duey: Let's call the police!! Oona: Ms. Duey! It's . . . It's just a story. Ms. Duey: What? Oh. Oh, yes. Of course. Oona, you are so smart. Your parents must think they have won the lottery having a child like you. Oona: Oh, yeah. Yeah, they do. They're always saying that, in fact. They say, "Oona, we're so proud of you. You're like winning the lottery." . . . Yeah, I'd better go. (Ms. Duey exits and the book shelves part.) (Scene: Living Room) (Mr. Shaskan enters, dancing.) Mr. Shaskan: I'm so clever, I'm so clever. I'm so very, very, very, very clever. I'm so very, flaming clever. What a very clever fellow I am! (to Mrs. Shaskan) Come, here you! (He dances with her, twirling her around.) Mrs. Shaskan: No, stop, stop. There's only one man I do that with! Mr. Shaskan: Everyone, gather around. I want my family to share in my triumph. Not you, boy. Oona: I'm a girl! Mr. Shaskan: One hundred and fifty-five old bangers on my hands. All polished up, but the mileage on the car telling the truth: that each one was knackered. How could I possibly make the mileage go back? I couldn't very well drive each one backwards, could I? Goofin: Backwards. Mr. Shaskan: When suddenly, I had the most genius idea in the world. I run into the workshop. I grab a drill. And using my incredible mind, I attach the drill to the speedometer of the first car. I turned it on. I whacked it into reverse. Goofin: Backwards! (Mr. Shaskan gives Goofin a high five.) Mr. Shaskan: Yes, boy! Backwards! Backwards. Exactly. Now, a drill's motor: It rolls backwards thousands of times a second. And within a few minutes, I had reduced the mileage on that old rust-bucket to practically nothing. I did it to every single car! Goofin: Backwards! Mrs. Shaskan: Stop talking now, darling. There's a good boy. Mr. Shaskan: Ten minutes later, the Russians show up. Great, big, nasty-faced apes. Expensive suits, dark glasses; dunno who they thought they were. Mrs. Shaskan: Oh! Russians are nocturnal. I saw it on a programme last night. Oona: That was badgers. It was a programme about badgers. Mrs. Shaskan: Same thing! . . . And did it work? (Mr. Shaskan shows her a suitcase full of money. Mrs. Shaskan screams.) Mrs. Shaskan: Fantastico! Now I can afford Mr. Grumpfish all day long! Oona: But you cheated them! That's not fair at all. They've trusted you, and you've cheated them. Mrs. Shaskan: What is the matter with you? What've we done to deserve a child like you? (Mr. Shaskan throws down the suitcase.) Mr. Shaskan: You know what I'm going to do tomorrow? I'm going to go down to that library and tell that old bag that you're never to be let in again. Oona: What? No! Please don't! Mr. Shaskan: And if she does, I will have her fired! And you will never read another stinking book as long as you live. I will put an end to your stories, young man. (He drags Oona by the wrist up the stairs and throws her through the door to her room onto her bed.) (Scene: Oona's Bedroom) Mr. Shaskan: Now, get in there and stay in there, you nasty little creep! (Mr. Shaskan slams the door and leaves. Oona lies face-down on her bed. She brings her fist down three times to great thundering sounds. Slowly, she looks up.) Oona: At night, the archaeologist's daughter cried herself to sleep, alone in her room. She never said a single word about the evil aunt's bullying, because she didn't want to cause a fuss, and so she suffered in silence. This only encouraged the woman to greater cruelties, until one day, she exploded! Oona and Sandy's Sister: "You are a useless! Filthy! Nasty little creep!" Oona: And she beat her, threw her into a dank, dark, dusty cellar, locked the door, and went out. (Oona has thrown herself onto the ground. She holds her head. The sound of a car pulling up to a house is heard.) Oona: But that day, the archaeologist happened to come home early. And when he heard the sound of his daughter's tears – (She knocks on the door three times.) Oona: – he smashed the door open! (The archaeologist, wearing the white scarf, smashes the door open to lightning and thunder, and takes Oona into his arms.) Archaeologist: (singing) Don't cry. I am here, little girl. Please don't cry. Dry your eyes. Wipe away your tears, little girl. Forgive me. I didn't mean to desert you. Don't cry, little girl. Nothing can hurt you. You've nothing to fear. I'm here. Oona and Archaeologist: "Have I been so wrapped up in my grief for my wife that I have forgotten the one thing that matters to us most? I love you so much, my daughter. I shall spend the rest of my life making it up to you." (The archaeologist wraps the scarf around Oona's shoulders.) Oona and Archaeologist: "We shall be together, forever." Oona: (singing) Don't cry, daddy. I'm all right, daddy. Please don't cry. Here, let me wipe away your tears. Archaeologist: (singing) Forgive me. Oona: (singing) Daddy, forgive me. Archaeologist: (singing) I didn't mean to desert you. Oona: (singing) I didn't want to upset you. Please, daddy, don't cry. Archaeologist: (singing) Don't cry, little girl. Oona: (singing) I'll be all right. Archaeologist: (singing) Nothing can hurt you. Oona: (singing) With you by my side, I have – Oona and Archaeologist: (singing) – nothing to fear. Oona (simultaneously): (singing) You're here. Archaeologist: (simultaneously): (singing) I'm here. (The archaeologist carries Oona to her bed and brings up the sheet. Oona rolls out the other side of the bed as the shape of a little girl rises from beneath the covers.) Oona: But when the little girl fell asleep, the archaeologist's thoughts turned to Sandy's sister, and an almighty rage grew inside his great heart. Oona and Archaeologist: "This demon! This villain! This monster! She has sullied the memory of my wife. She has betrayed the trust of her own sister. She has shown cruelty to the most precious reality of my marriage. Bullying children is her game, is it? Well, let us see what this creature thinks she can do when the wrath of a grown man stands before her!" (To thunder and lightning, the archaeologist runs to the bedroom door.) Oona: But that was the last the little girl ever saw of her father. Because he never came home ever again. End of Part 6. Recap Mr. Shaskan advises it's the law against reading in favour of watching television. Deema, a girl in Oona's class, plans that she is going to put a newt in Miss Trunchbull's jug of water later in the story. The children gather and sing about their hopes for when they grow up. Oona resolves to end Miss Witch's cruelty. She tells Ms. Duey more of the story of Sandy and the archaeologist. Bound by their contract, they perform their feat, which goes well until the last moment when Sandy is fatally injured, living just long enough to give birth to a girl. The archaeologist invites Sandy's sister to move in with him to help look after his daughter. Unknown to the escapologist, the girl's aunt is secretly cruel to her, forcing her to perform menial tasks and abusing her verbally and physically. Mr. Shaskan returns home from work pleased because he has sold his worn-out cars to the wealthy Russians, having used an automatic drill to wind back their milometers. Oona is annoyed at her father's deceit and scolds him, which angers him and he locks her in her bedroom. That night, Oona continues the story of Sandy and the archaeologist. After years of cruelty, the aunt's rage has grown; one day she beats the child, locks her in the cellar and goes out. That evening, the archaeologist returns home early and discovers the extent of the aunt's cruelty. As he comforts his daughter, he promises her he will always be there for her. Filled with rage, he runs out to find the aunt but is never seen again. Category:Stories